It’s been an emotional week. Are you in the mood to read an emotionally charged story?
I don’t know about you, but nothing brings me to tears faster than feeling like I can’t do what I want to do.
When I can’t do what I want,
it feels like the life is being sucked right out of me.
Like I might as well just curl up in a ball and die now because I don’t think I can go on if each day is going to feel this hard.
Not being able to do what I want to do makes me feel deprived, and I don’t believe life is meant to feel like that.
But, what if the thing you want to do feels way too far out of reach or you’ve tried to do it before and failed?
This week’s story is about that.
For YEARS I’ve wanted to learn ballroom dancing.
Despite enduring lessons on several occasions, I’ve never been able to master even the most basic dance steps (not even a simple box step!).
I tried. I failed. I gave it another go (possibly a bad teacher or poor partner?). Failed again. Third time’s the charm? Nope! Failed with a new teacher and several new partners.
Time to give it up, right?
No matter how many times I’ve failed and felt embarrassed by my public display of apparent incompetence, my desire to learn how to ballroom dance remains undiminished.
Oh, how I wish this were not true!
Not being able to dance feels awful, but then imagine adding to that the additional feelings of having tried but proved to yourself (over and over) that you’re incapable of learning.
Do you know what it feels like to want something really, really bad but also feels like you can’t do it?
(Give me a sec while I take off my glasses so I can wipe away the river of tears that are streaming down my face as I type this.)
That feeling. It rips at my soul.
Whether I’m feeling it about myself or seeing someone else suffer from it I feel torn apart inside, and I hate it!
The weight of that feeling is almost unbearable.
But, the thing is, if the desire is still there to do something (even after you’ve failed) you HAVE to try again.
Trying again is HARD.
In my experience, giving yourself a second, third, or even fourth chance to accomplish something is difficult, and requires a person to dig deep within for previously untapped resources of inner strength, self-love, and determination.
I hate feeling deprived of the joy I’m witnessing when I see others dancing.
It feels like torture when I see couples moving gracefully together and that little voice inside of me says, “That looks fun! I want to do that!”
And then, I remember…
I tried. And I failed. More than once.
I’m just not cut out for dancing.
Recently the idea of learning to dance came up again and something inside of me said, “Go ahead, try again. This time will be different, you’ll see.”
I figured that since I am, after all, a grown up woman, no one could keep me on that dance floor a second longer than I chose to be there, so the only thing I’d be risking if I tried again was having wasted my time and money.
Although I don’t like to waste time or money, I’d rather lose both any day than bear the burden of feeling like I can’t do what I want to do.
So, I signed myself up for ballroom dance lessons.
Let me tell you, even after I’d paid my tuition I had thoughts like, “This is such a waste. You can’t dance and you’re never going to learn. What makes you think this time will be any different?”
When the day of the first class arrived, it was a hot and sticky summer day and I really didn’t want to leave the house.
But, I reminded myself that things might be different this time, and I encouraged myself to just show up and try for a little while. Maybe I’d even have fun?
I won’t go into details, but things started out rough.
I wanted to bail or at least be allowed to go cry in the bathroom by myself for a while.
But then, the teacher said a little something that encouraged me, and so I kept trying.
I was not enjoying myself exactly, but I had decided that this time I was determined to be FREE.
Free of that awful feeling of life being sucked out of me.
Free of feeling like there are some things in life that I want to do but can’t.
Free of feeling deprived of the joy I see others feeling when they dance together.
I wanted to feel free more that I wanted not to look stupid, more than I wanted not to have wasted my money, more than I wanted the relief of just deciding I didn’t care anymore so I could go home and have a glass of wine.
I’d keep signing up for dance classes month after month; I’d spend my last dime on getting a private teacher if I had to.
I was going to dance!
After all, I have two perfectly good arms and two perfectly good legs. There is no logical reason on this earth that I can’t learn to take some steps in an organized sequence alongside someone else and dance.
I can walk so technically I should be able to dance.
I don’t know why learning to dance is so hard for me, but there is no mechanical reason for it to be impossible.
So I kept at it, and then…
I got it!
I was able to do a very basic step over and over. It wasn’t executing an actual “dance” per se, but I was moving around the floor in an organized repeatable fashion.
I would have cried right there, but I was too busy trying to keep from losing the “back, back, side, together” movement I had going.
I’d always had the equipment and the ability to dance within me, but for whatever reason I hadn’t been able to figure out how to do it until that moment.
Who knows exactly when or how things changed,
but change they had!
I felt a flood of relief wash over me as years of feeling like I couldn’t do what I wanted to do began to melt away.
I was FREE! FREE! FREE! and I felt a piece of my soul being stitched back into place.
I may never be a very graceful dancer, but from now on, I know that as long as I have a strong lead I can at least accomplish a back, back, side, together sequence of steps around the floor and feel great about that!
Words cannot describe the feeling of knowing I did it. FINALLY! I really, really did it!
(Here I am with Mark the assistant teacher. He’s impossibly tall and I’m up on my tippy toes for this photo.)
I’ve got six more weeks of lessons, and even if I don’t master another step, I know I’ve already received what I came for.
The feeling of FREEDOM and being all I can be!
There’s nothing like taking a chance on yourself, getting the help you need, and succeeding at accomplishing your ambitions!
Everyone deserves to feel this kind of freedom.
I won’t be teaching ballroom dancing in this lifetime, but what I can offer you is the confidence you need to achieve the feelings of both success and freedom.
You can accomplish success and freedom a lot faster than you might think by understanding what REALLY stops you from putting yourself out there and making the changes you need to feel confident starting now.
People may have told you (or you may have even proven to yourself) that you are too much or not enough to do or have what you want, but if your desire is still there it’s time to try again.
Confidence in yourself and a little know-how (both of which you can learn lickety-split) will take you everywhere you want to go, fast.
Book a call with me so you can share what you’re not succeeding at or where you’re not feeling confident and get a solution here. Times no good? Email me by hitting reply and we’ll find a time that works for both of us.
Calls are not about shame or judgments, and are all about finding a solution that works for your unique set of circumstances.
Maybe our conversation will even stitch a piece of your soul back into place. It’s happened before. Why not you?
I’ll keep you posted on how I’m progressing in dance class, and I’m looking forward to chatting on the phone with you!
Until next week,
P.S. The Purse Process® is up to something. Interested in being a part of it? Subscribe to The Field Notes!